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* FOR IMMEDIATE PRESS RELEASE *
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April 1st, 2017
- From You-Know-Who
This message has been sent out to all citizens of your current and our former place of residence. We know what your response will likely be, but we are sending it regardless. This is our last-ditch way of seeing if you will learn the error of your ways.
You think you assmasters are the only, as I believe that Mexican said, "saviors of fun-dementals"? Think again. We have been over this before, and you have yet to listen, so we shall not be wasting our breath any longer. Or rather, risk carpal tunnel and arthritis.
You cling stubbornly to your color, your drones, your tracks, and your decor. To go without it nowadays is akin to treason. That which you see, hear, and experience holds precedence over all. The most horribly designed, brutally shoddy pile of trash can be given sainthood if it has enough flair. And that is exactly what is wrong with society today.
You have all forgotten what is really important: good old fashioned design. The roots, our roots, mean nothing anymore. They are but a mere memory of what they once were. You have lost touch of that which is natural. Only the fullest in perfection will be considered for eternal honors in your halls. The slightest mishap, the most minuscule bit you believe is an issue is treated as a blight on all humanity.
And then, there was us. You have mocked our kind before, but that is the least of your crimes. Five years ago, we set out to make a statement. A stand for future generations. Our brave leaders fought hard for their beliefs, but were silenced by your corrupt administration. Our little rebellion was massacred, without so much as a shred of remorse. Though what we had said had strong evidence supporting it, they did not care. They did not care how they were used, how they were advertised, or about those who praised it. All they cared about was making a profit from selling imported goods. A group advocating against it would not be stood for.
Yet, as fate would have it, we escaped and disappeared. Here we are, just two years after our escape, and we are doing well for ourselves. You have persecuted us, you have laughed at us, you have assaulted us, you have given us a racial slur (which we now wear with pride), and you have incarcerated us. Well, no more. Today is the day we prevail. We will rise to victory over all of you pathetic cretins, who rely only upon their flair, and crush you under our superior design.
Your eyes are not fit to gaze upon our holy lands. Do not be alarmed as you are famous for doing. We have the groundwork, the plans, and the initial design work done. Rather, we are not including them, as they are so pure, so untouched, and at times, so unique, that your puny materialistic minds will not be able to comprehend it. And while the slaughter of you all is something on our agenda, we do not wish to do it through the violation of your brain. But rest assured, in due time, you all will see our land. People are going to start disappearing, selected at random. They may or they may not return. And there will be not a damn thing you can do about it.
What are we saying? What do we mean? Your time as rulers of the roost, indeed, your time on this planet is growing shorter by the day. The dawn of the Vaniggas is coming. Ignorance will get you nowhere. We highly suggest you make the most of your final months. But be warned. There will be immediate consequences should you decide not to take us seriously.
Signed,
You-Know-Who
* FOR IMMEDIATE PRESS RELEASE *
***************************
April 1st, 2017
- From You-Know-Who
This message has been sent out to all citizens of your current and our former place of residence. We know what your response will likely be, but we are sending it regardless. This is our last-ditch way of seeing if you will learn the error of your ways.
You think you assmasters are the only, as I believe that Mexican said, "saviors of fun-dementals"? Think again. We have been over this before, and you have yet to listen, so we shall not be wasting our breath any longer. Or rather, risk carpal tunnel and arthritis.
You cling stubbornly to your color, your drones, your tracks, and your decor. To go without it nowadays is akin to treason. That which you see, hear, and experience holds precedence over all. The most horribly designed, brutally shoddy pile of trash can be given sainthood if it has enough flair. And that is exactly what is wrong with society today.
You have all forgotten what is really important: good old fashioned design. The roots, our roots, mean nothing anymore. They are but a mere memory of what they once were. You have lost touch of that which is natural. Only the fullest in perfection will be considered for eternal honors in your halls. The slightest mishap, the most minuscule bit you believe is an issue is treated as a blight on all humanity.
And then, there was us. You have mocked our kind before, but that is the least of your crimes. Five years ago, we set out to make a statement. A stand for future generations. Our brave leaders fought hard for their beliefs, but were silenced by your corrupt administration. Our little rebellion was massacred, without so much as a shred of remorse. Though what we had said had strong evidence supporting it, they did not care. They did not care how they were used, how they were advertised, or about those who praised it. All they cared about was making a profit from selling imported goods. A group advocating against it would not be stood for.
Yet, as fate would have it, we escaped and disappeared. Here we are, just two years after our escape, and we are doing well for ourselves. You have persecuted us, you have laughed at us, you have assaulted us, you have given us a racial slur (which we now wear with pride), and you have incarcerated us. Well, no more. Today is the day we prevail. We will rise to victory over all of you pathetic cretins, who rely only upon their flair, and crush you under our superior design.
Your eyes are not fit to gaze upon our holy lands. Do not be alarmed as you are famous for doing. We have the groundwork, the plans, and the initial design work done. Rather, we are not including them, as they are so pure, so untouched, and at times, so unique, that your puny materialistic minds will not be able to comprehend it. And while the slaughter of you all is something on our agenda, we do not wish to do it through the violation of your brain. But rest assured, in due time, you all will see our land. People are going to start disappearing, selected at random. They may or they may not return. And there will be not a damn thing you can do about it.
What are we saying? What do we mean? Your time as rulers of the roost, indeed, your time on this planet is growing shorter by the day. The dawn of the Vaniggas is coming. Ignorance will get you nowhere. We highly suggest you make the most of your final months. But be warned. There will be immediate consequences should you decide not to take us seriously.
Signed,
You-Know-Who