I honestly feel kinda betrayed right now. This community has been my home for so many years and for the most part I've always felt pretty accepted here as I've grown into a more mature adult. But today I was gaslit by a few members of the staff over a situation involving me and another user, and I think a discussion should be had about how staff handle situations like this.
For those who aren't aware, earlier today I made a post in #reality-corner about how I've been on hormones for two months and that I never felt better. Another user (who I'm not gonna name, if you wanna know go look) respectfully asked about what hormones I take so I responded. They then proceeded to make comments about me growing boobs and saying "big mommy milkers." This is extremely disrespectful and creepy, as they were sexualizing me when I didn't ask to be, and me talking about feeling happy doesn't really seem like an appropriate time to sexualize me? I didn't say anything about it at first because I was deeply uncomfortable and in situation like this I tend to default to being quiet. This user then asked if they could screencap the conversation and share it to a subreddit (which I later found out was a subreddit about "Trans people making fun of themselves"). Deeply embarrassed and frustrated, I left the server.
Upon learning what subreddit this user was going to post to, I re-entered the server to defend myself and call out how gross that was. I'll admit that I could have left some stuff out of my rant (namely telling them to go fuck themselves and calling the staff soft pussies for downplaying the situation), but honestly I really don't see anything wrong with calling that behavior out in the manner that I did. I expected a little pushback for aggressively calling it out, but what I didn't expect was to be met with members of the staff telling me I'm being dramatic and that the user WASN'T being transphobic.
First of all, when someone opens up about their journey with hormones and your immediate response is to make sexual comments about their body, that is transphobic. It perpetuates the idea that trans people are objects and not people, it perpetuates the idea that our humanity doesn't deserve to be acknowledged. Its gross, its wrong, and the only way to get people to change is to call it out for what it is. This type of behavior will never stop unless people are made to feel ashamed for making such comments, because they should be.
But more importantly I'm shocked that the staff claim to be trying to create a safe environment for LGBT users while simultaneously not listening to them (me in this case) when they explain why something is transphobic. Someone even stood up for me and called the behavior bigoted and one of the staff responded with "bigoted" in quotes. That's pretty callous if you ask me, and doesn't reflect a team that cares about whether or not their users feel safe if it clashes with THEIR views and opinions. Even if not every staff member feels that way, refusing to call it out reflects on YOU.
Being soft on stuff like this just makes people not feel safe, including me. I will not be rejoining the SMWC server, and honestly if this is how y'all feel I'm probably gonna make myself scarce from this place. I've moved on to other communities that foster a much safer and accepting community than this, I really only came back because of the requests forum opening and wanting to have some fun but I don't see any reason to engage with a community that doesn't actually support ALL of their users.
EDIT: Worth noting the staff are also putting words in my mouth. I don't hate the entire community, but if a staff member gaslights me and the others say nothing, then that kinda has some not so good implications about the other staff.
Maybe instead of pointing the finger at me for being "dramatic" you should examine your biases.
EDIT 2: This is just a way for the staff to silence users calling out problematic behavior on the part of the staff. I'm not doing this for attention, I'm genuinely frustrated and think the community deserves to be privy to this kind of insensitivity.
I never thought I'd unironically say I'm leaving this place forever but you people really showed your asses today. Its been fun the past 7+ years but all this situation has shown me is that I've outgrown this place. I've already dealt with users forcing their ignorant beliefs on me when I didn't ask and the staff did nothing during those situations either, so y'all have made it clear where you stand.
And if you think me not wanting to be part of a community that gaslights people for getting upset about being being creepy and transphobic is dramatic, it says a lot more about you then it does about me. Check your ignorance.
For those who aren't aware, earlier today I made a post in #reality-corner about how I've been on hormones for two months and that I never felt better. Another user (who I'm not gonna name, if you wanna know go look) respectfully asked about what hormones I take so I responded. They then proceeded to make comments about me growing boobs and saying "big mommy milkers." This is extremely disrespectful and creepy, as they were sexualizing me when I didn't ask to be, and me talking about feeling happy doesn't really seem like an appropriate time to sexualize me? I didn't say anything about it at first because I was deeply uncomfortable and in situation like this I tend to default to being quiet. This user then asked if they could screencap the conversation and share it to a subreddit (which I later found out was a subreddit about "Trans people making fun of themselves"). Deeply embarrassed and frustrated, I left the server.
Upon learning what subreddit this user was going to post to, I re-entered the server to defend myself and call out how gross that was. I'll admit that I could have left some stuff out of my rant (namely telling them to go fuck themselves and calling the staff soft pussies for downplaying the situation), but honestly I really don't see anything wrong with calling that behavior out in the manner that I did. I expected a little pushback for aggressively calling it out, but what I didn't expect was to be met with members of the staff telling me I'm being dramatic and that the user WASN'T being transphobic.
First of all, when someone opens up about their journey with hormones and your immediate response is to make sexual comments about their body, that is transphobic. It perpetuates the idea that trans people are objects and not people, it perpetuates the idea that our humanity doesn't deserve to be acknowledged. Its gross, its wrong, and the only way to get people to change is to call it out for what it is. This type of behavior will never stop unless people are made to feel ashamed for making such comments, because they should be.
But more importantly I'm shocked that the staff claim to be trying to create a safe environment for LGBT users while simultaneously not listening to them (me in this case) when they explain why something is transphobic. Someone even stood up for me and called the behavior bigoted and one of the staff responded with "bigoted" in quotes. That's pretty callous if you ask me, and doesn't reflect a team that cares about whether or not their users feel safe if it clashes with THEIR views and opinions. Even if not every staff member feels that way, refusing to call it out reflects on YOU.
Being soft on stuff like this just makes people not feel safe, including me. I will not be rejoining the SMWC server, and honestly if this is how y'all feel I'm probably gonna make myself scarce from this place. I've moved on to other communities that foster a much safer and accepting community than this, I really only came back because of the requests forum opening and wanting to have some fun but I don't see any reason to engage with a community that doesn't actually support ALL of their users.
EDIT: Worth noting the staff are also putting words in my mouth. I don't hate the entire community, but if a staff member gaslights me and the others say nothing, then that kinda has some not so good implications about the other staff.
Maybe instead of pointing the finger at me for being "dramatic" you should examine your biases.
EDIT 2: This is just a way for the staff to silence users calling out problematic behavior on the part of the staff. I'm not doing this for attention, I'm genuinely frustrated and think the community deserves to be privy to this kind of insensitivity.
I never thought I'd unironically say I'm leaving this place forever but you people really showed your asses today. Its been fun the past 7+ years but all this situation has shown me is that I've outgrown this place. I've already dealt with users forcing their ignorant beliefs on me when I didn't ask and the staff did nothing during those situations either, so y'all have made it clear where you stand.
And if you think me not wanting to be part of a community that gaslights people for getting upset about being being creepy and transphobic is dramatic, it says a lot more about you then it does about me. Check your ignorance.