Honestly, all the years just blend as a bunch of trash to me.
It has been like this since forever. But yeah, I don't attribute things to years all that much, because I think it's still to say "year X was awful", because it's completely subjective.
I mean, if you go through Y.Y.'s perspective (which you never should), just about every year from 2010 to 2020 is pretty much dog poo.
But obviously that isn't true, not even if I think about it properly, since I can easily remember so many happy moments. And similarly, the sadness of my earlier life years just get sidestepped by the happiness because it happened a longer time ago, meaning I filter out a lot of the bad stuff. I remember when I was a kid I used to legitimately think that one year was good and happy, and the other one was not as good, then at some point it all just started to be less consistent with that, being unclear as to if it's a good or bad year.
I would be lying if I said I haven't been happy since 2009 or something.
But... nostalgia is a powerful thing, isn't it? My actual feelings can't compete to what I vaguely remember feeling and whatnot.
However, I would also be lying if I said I'm not getting more consistently bitter and cynical with the passing months, years and so on. I'm just a farcry from the happy silly girl for 2011 ~ 2013/4 (technically, I still had a bunch of mood swings back then, I was just more optimistic, innocent and motivated/energetic), I'm not even as close to the 2016 ~ 2018 more melancholic lady who occasionally made silly jokes.
Nowadays I'm just... weird.
I still feel happy at times, but I'm feeling like I'm back at 2011 ~ 2013 just with very jaded eyes that are too tired for garbage, despite being extremely more emotionally strong and less vulnerable.
Anyway, I don't know if that's all a byproduct of the times we're living in, or if it was inevitable, considering a lot of what I feel is more personal than related to what's going on outside (which I barely pay attention to, for the sake of my sanity).
To me, the negativity in the world just feels like the status quo.
And while I'm not happy about it, I just try to not get too bothered by it.
I swear, no year was ever truly good, it's all about the memories of each individual. Is whatever going on worse or better? It depends on each person, I've already said my perspective, but I'm sure there are people who suffered a lot more in the 80s, 90s, etc.
I mean, every year has garbage happening, but every year has at least someone remotely decent going on too, sadly, that isn't equal for everyone.
Хуй войне!
桐生会FOREVER #ThankYouCoco / Rest in peace, Near, thank you for everything