I have been here for long enough that I know many of you on a more-than-acquaintances level.
I have been here for long enough to trust you.
So why is it that I feel so estranged from you? What has happened to separate us like the division problem from a remainder? What could cause it?
I know. I know what it is. I can hear you people whispering about me in your IRC channels and discussing me in your Skype groups. Every time I appear online on the site, I can feel you people scrutinizing me. Your hatred for me is foundless--I mean boundless.
They read into my posts so deeply that they are bothered by the mere spacesinbetween my words. They see patterns in my use of the word 'and'. They read me, they compile accusations about me from codes they generated in Google Translate, and they accuse me.
I loathe them. I run Experiments on them because they interest me.
Yes I have certainly been on this site for a long time.
It has started to affect my dreams, dreams that have started to leak into my reality. I was at work one day when Kieran came into the office holding an anaconda and shouting "Whoop whoop thistles!!" That was not so strange as realizing I have not worked at that work since last October.
I once saw a man who asked me if I had ever tasted the forums. "Talk has a really bland flavour, like chicken," he told me. "Reality Corner tastes like salty tears, Hot Off The Press tastes like yesterday's ham, but none compare to the delicious overtones and highly illustrious aroma of General Hacking Help! Something about all those help me threads really makes it taste like Lunar Magic!" I laughed at him but then I tried Lunar Magic with Wine and it worked pretty well for something not coded for a Mac.
It was like the time I was sitting in #smwc, and this guy started asking me for hacking advice on Yoshi's Island. This made me laugh out loud so hard because the guy's name was yoshi_eggs_ovaries-y.
I want people to trust me well enough to put me back on staff so that I can help them. In a fit of mania I made this for Ersanio's birthday hoping that it would convince him I was as much staff material as Michael Phelps is to the Olympics, but I haven't heard anything from him except a message asking me to stop calling him.
Sometimes people tell me I could get back on staff here if I just did...things. Like this one time I saw a really cool looking guy who looked like a cross between S.N.N. and George Clooney, who, in a voice that sounded like woven sandpaper, told me I could impress Kieran enough to let me back on staff by losing my job for a cool reason. So the next day I went into my boss and told him I had sold his client's files for money for Smarties, and he fired me. That was back in October and I haven't been able to find a job since then.
I Neede back on staff.
--What's that? Someone is coming into my room. He has a body like the head of a beer, a head like Sheldon Cooper from the Big Bang Theory, and feet that look like those skinny pipes from Super Mario World. His voice sounds like emoticons. He says that if I want to be back on SMW Central's staff team, I must first prove my manliness by attacking the site. I am telling him that I already did that when I hired those losers from Turkey to spam the IRC. He is nodding in approval. He says I now need to up the auntie or however you spell it. He's pointing at my map, pointing at three seas--3 Cs--C3! He is telling me what he wants me to do at C3.
It is a good plan. Yes, I will do it. I'll need to buy a few packs of balloons, a toaster oven, a few bottles of grapefruit juice, a roll of Canadian pennies, and does anyone know the price of a fighter jet?
Until then, I will leave. I have business to organize and atypical antipsychotics to take. Gotta get my dopaminergic system under control.
I have been here for long enough to trust you.
So why is it that I feel so estranged from you? What has happened to separate us like the division problem from a remainder? What could cause it?
I know. I know what it is. I can hear you people whispering about me in your IRC channels and discussing me in your Skype groups. Every time I appear online on the site, I can feel you people scrutinizing me. Your hatred for me is foundless--I mean boundless.
They read into my posts so deeply that they are bothered by the mere spacesinbetween my words. They see patterns in my use of the word 'and'. They read me, they compile accusations about me from codes they generated in Google Translate, and they accuse me.
I loathe them. I run Experiments on them because they interest me.
Yes I have certainly been on this site for a long time.
It has started to affect my dreams, dreams that have started to leak into my reality. I was at work one day when Kieran came into the office holding an anaconda and shouting "Whoop whoop thistles!!" That was not so strange as realizing I have not worked at that work since last October.
I once saw a man who asked me if I had ever tasted the forums. "Talk has a really bland flavour, like chicken," he told me. "Reality Corner tastes like salty tears, Hot Off The Press tastes like yesterday's ham, but none compare to the delicious overtones and highly illustrious aroma of General Hacking Help! Something about all those help me threads really makes it taste like Lunar Magic!" I laughed at him but then I tried Lunar Magic with Wine and it worked pretty well for something not coded for a Mac.
It was like the time I was sitting in #smwc, and this guy started asking me for hacking advice on Yoshi's Island. This made me laugh out loud so hard because the guy's name was yoshi_eggs_ovaries-y.
I want people to trust me well enough to put me back on staff so that I can help them. In a fit of mania I made this for Ersanio's birthday hoping that it would convince him I was as much staff material as Michael Phelps is to the Olympics, but I haven't heard anything from him except a message asking me to stop calling him.
Sometimes people tell me I could get back on staff here if I just did...things. Like this one time I saw a really cool looking guy who looked like a cross between S.N.N. and George Clooney, who, in a voice that sounded like woven sandpaper, told me I could impress Kieran enough to let me back on staff by losing my job for a cool reason. So the next day I went into my boss and told him I had sold his client's files for money for Smarties, and he fired me. That was back in October and I haven't been able to find a job since then.
I Neede back on staff.
--What's that? Someone is coming into my room. He has a body like the head of a beer, a head like Sheldon Cooper from the Big Bang Theory, and feet that look like those skinny pipes from Super Mario World. His voice sounds like emoticons. He says that if I want to be back on SMW Central's staff team, I must first prove my manliness by attacking the site. I am telling him that I already did that when I hired those losers from Turkey to spam the IRC. He is nodding in approval. He says I now need to up the auntie or however you spell it. He's pointing at my map, pointing at three seas--3 Cs--C3! He is telling me what he wants me to do at C3.
It is a good plan. Yes, I will do it. I'll need to buy a few packs of balloons, a toaster oven, a few bottles of grapefruit juice, a roll of Canadian pennies, and does anyone know the price of a fighter jet?
Until then, I will leave. I have business to organize and atypical antipsychotics to take. Gotta get my dopaminergic system under control.